April Winchell

49 responses so far ↓

• 1 unclemike // Jun 23, 2009 at 3:13 pm

  That wasn’t Auntie Vera? Hmph.

• 2 goofydes // Jun 23, 2009 at 3:35 pm

  Congrats on the new sewing machine! I upgraded from a POS plastic one to a metal Bernina one last year and man does it make a difference!

• 3 Catman51 // Jun 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm

  Get Grandma some scotch to calm her nerves…!

• 4 Doug // Jun 23, 2009 at 7:21 pm

  I suggest the Balvenie 15 year…it’s quite smooth, and tasty, to boot.

• 5 John Foley // Jun 23, 2009 at 7:37 pm

  Sounds like Granny’s had a few belts herself.

• 6 bnaivar // Jun 24, 2009 at 5:32 am

  Ah yes, Granny’s “nerve medicine”. Shhhhh Granny is sleeping now.

• 7 Stretch99 // Jun 24, 2009 at 9:59 am

  … Its just labeled XXX

  probably too much nasal Zicam too

• 8 Mavis // Jun 24, 2009 at 12:10 pm

  Sounds like me after I came out of the Evan Williams test testing room.

• 9 pal Jacky // Jun 24, 2009 at 12:20 pm

  I got a drunk voicemail a few weeks ago. The phone rang at 2:30 in the morning and I knew to let it ring through. It started with a recording ‘this phone call is originating from torrance municipal jail’ . we all thought mark had died three years ago. We had a betting pool on the day of the week and the condition that they discovered the body. I had sunday with his pants down and vomit in his mouth. There’s still time for that. His nickname was ’skid mark’.

• 10 pal Jacky // Jun 24, 2009 at 12:24 pm

  if you are going to do a betting pool on such things. remember, pants down is distinct from both naked and just having his dick out. We had a big fight over the death of steven in ‘04. I still say that $20 bucks was rightfully mine.

• 11 DavidinBerkeley // Jun 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

  Wow, I didn’t understand even half of what was said.

  BTW, why is everyone assuming it was a wrong number?

• 12 DavidinBerkeley // Jun 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

  Re: the sewing machine.

  Wow, AW must be able to crank out elaborate Sacks o’ Crap for those that requested custom orders.

• 13 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 24, 2009 at 7:04 pm

  I could not understand a single word. It’s 350 degrees here today, and the cooling system sounds like a shuttle launch.

  Anyone care to transcribe, or is it not worth it?

• 14 pal Jacky // Jun 25, 2009 at 10:14 am

  ira, L.A. is still in the seventies. I bought a new air conditioner in april, thinking I would need it by now, and it is still sitting in the box.
  At least it has stopped raining.

• 15 Stretch99 // Jun 25, 2009 at 11:35 am

  Farewell Farrah – RIP

• 16 DavidinBerkeley // Jun 25, 2009 at 12:16 pm

  Rosie O’Donnell has a radio show and AW doesn’t.

  http://greginhollywood.com/rosie-odonnells-got-a-new-gig-7253

  What is WRONG with people?

• 17 pal Jacky // Jun 25, 2009 at 1:22 pm

  is satellite radio really going anywhere? The hype was everywhere when Stern first announced he was jumping, but even my friends who are Howard stern fanatics are haivng trouble with his show lately. They’ve all but switched to all music programming.

• 18 Stretch99 // Jun 25, 2009 at 3:15 pm

  LAST Chance for Michael Jackson jokes here:

  RIP MJ

• 19 pal Jacky // Jun 25, 2009 at 3:25 pm

  what do you get when you cross micheal jackson with a cubscout?
  Nothing yet but he keeps trying.

• 20 goofydes // Jun 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm

  lets see how many more celebrities die today…..

• 21 goofydes // Jun 25, 2009 at 3:44 pm

  count is currently at 2

• 22 Stretch99 // Jun 25, 2009 at 4:16 pm

  MJ same age as Bernie Mac

• 23 bnaivar // Jun 25, 2009 at 4:53 pm

  I’ll bet Jesse Jackson is PISSED!

  Al Sharpton beat him to the first press on CNN.

• 24 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 5:15 pm

  3… Ed McMahon counts as the third…

• 25 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 5:17 pm

  At least they won’t need to embalm.

  Jacky, I’m not in LA at the mo’- and maybe I’m glad? I bet the helicopters are out full force…

• 26 pal Jacky // Jun 25, 2009 at 5:19 pm

  if a third one dies today, I’m hopin’ for Kelly Ripa.
  They are doing all these fucking tributes on the TV. It just points out that MJ was always a fucking freak.
  His grieving fans are utterly grotesque and he is the second greatest fraud in popular music of all time. (the beatles/john lennon being the first)
  A few months ago I posted how to get a genesis emulator to play ‘moonwalker’. What a horrible game it is.
  For those who want to experience it without actually playing it, our old friend ‘angriest video game nerd’ has done it for us.
  http://www.gametrailers.com/video/angry-video-screwattack/44106

• 27 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 6:14 pm

  Jacky, it’s never a good idea to bang on the cemetery gate, as my grandmother always said. She ought to know, since she’s been dead for thirty years.

• 28 Doug // Jun 25, 2009 at 6:48 pm

  Don’t tell me I’m the first to chime in on MJ…

  RIP MJ…

  stay away from the cherubs, eh? Tks.

• 29 Doug // Jun 25, 2009 at 6:48 pm

  Crap…stupid browser…nevermind.

• 30 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 7:12 pm

  Doug- sorry. Been there.

• 31 Andre // Jun 25, 2009 at 7:26 pm

  Do you know why Michael Jackson rushed over to the kid’s clothing store?

• 32 pal Jacky // Jun 25, 2009 at 7:42 pm

  andre- he heard pants were half off.
  Ira, i’ve already mentally come to grips with the fact that I’m destined to die of prostate cancer in a few months. Of course, I have yet to be diagnosed and my doctor says with a PSA of .5 I have little to worry about and I’ve got to start taking my elevated blood sugar more serously. However, I know any day now my stage four cancer will be discovered.

• 33 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 7:45 pm

  Because everything was half off?

• 34 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 7:45 pm

  You have a prostate?!?

• 35 Andre // Jun 25, 2009 at 8:03 pm

  Close. “He heard boy’s pants were half off.”

  The word “boys” makes the joke.

• 36 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 8:16 pm

  If we were anywhere else, Andre, I’d cock-punch you.

• 37 Andre // Jun 25, 2009 at 9:17 pm

  Punch if you will, Ira, just don’t block.

• 38 Ira Shlamazel // Jun 25, 2009 at 9:47 pm

  *PUNCH!*

• 39 TalkinHorse // Jun 25, 2009 at 11:16 pm

  The autopsy concluded MJ died of food poisoning. He ate a 9-year-old wiener.

• 40 Stretch99 // Jun 26, 2009 at 8:33 am

  Chris Hansen from “To Catch a Predetor” is scheduled to give MJs eulogy…

  “Why don’t you take a seat over there…”

• 41 Stretch99 // Jun 26, 2009 at 10:09 am

  I was watching CASH CAB and it was time for a RED LIGHT CHALLANGE:
  “There are two types of LUMBER , soft woods and hard woods- besides TEAK – name 4 other HARD WOODS…GO!

  …I kept yelling at the TV MORNING WOOD!!!

• 42 bnaivar // Jun 26, 2009 at 12:01 pm

  Michael Jackson won’t be buried or cremated. Instead he’ll be recycled into Wal-Mart shopping bags. That way he can stay white, plastic, and still be unsafe for children to play with.

• 43 pal Jacky // Jun 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm

  What is worse. A person crazy enough to write a poem a 24 line poem on the micheal jackson’s death or channel 5 giving airtime in reading the whole damn thing.

• 44 pal Jacky // Jun 26, 2009 at 12:10 pm

  I still think lisa marie just married him because he reminded her of her father, An insane, drug addicted reclusive rock star. One only has to wonder whether there will be lots of Micheal is alive sightings. Why did the weekly world news go under? Juwst when we needed them most.

• 45 pal Jacky // Jun 26, 2009 at 12:12 pm

  http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/9352/michael-jackson-faked-his-own-death/
  forgot they still had an on-line edition.

• 46 TalkinHorse // Jun 26, 2009 at 12:28 pm

  Only in America could a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman.

• 47 Stretch99 // Jun 26, 2009 at 12:41 pm

  From MOVIELINE.COM:
  Other delightfully candid quotes today include Liza Minnelli on Michael Jackson: “I’m sure when the autopsy comes, all hell’s going to break loose. So, thank God we’re celebrating him now.”

  · Paul McCartney paid a somewhat more on-topic tribute to Jackson, calling him “a massively talented boy man.” Seems accurate.

• 48 Stretch99 // Jun 26, 2009 at 1:39 pm

  Farrah Fawcett was talking with God and he asked “Farrah if you had one wish what would it be?”
  “I would like all children to be safe”
  later that day MJ died

• 49 TalkinHorse // Jun 26, 2009 at 3:12 pm

  All kidding aside, I do wonder what floodgates of information and disinformation might be opened with MJ’s passing. With respect to the various allegations against him, some witnesses were presumably paid off and some may have been intimidated. Now these people have greater freedom to speak. And of course kooks and psychopaths will also come forth with made-up stories. So I’m not sure how we’ll ever sort fact from fantasy, but I expect we’ll be hearing new sordid tales.

  I’ve never followed MJ closely, so I’ve never really formed a strong opinion. Sure, he was a weirdo, but then aren’t we all? Was he truly a child molester, or was he simply stuck in adolescence? Clearly some of his actions crossed the line, like bringing children into his bed. And having books like this on his shelf…yeah, people can say it’s innocent, but it just doesn’t sit right. That sort of thing just doesn’t pass the smell test.

  I seem to recall that someone wrote a scathing, lurid “biography” some years ago, and it was published in South America and was very rare. I don’t recall whether it spoke with any authority. What book am I thinking of?

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