I’m at the store today, when I see what looks like a new flavor of Cesar dog food.
So I look a little closer, and I see that this is more than a new flavor. It’s a whole new concept.
Cesar “Sunrise”.
Breakfast. For dogs.
You heard me.
Now your dog can start the day with a cheddar cheese “souffle”. Or perhaps a bacon “scramble”. Or maybe just “steak and eggs”. You know, the kind of foods your dog really wants for breakfast!
God help us all.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my dogs. I really do. But I’ve been feeding them dinner for breakfast for years, and I’ve never seen them back away from the dish in disgust. And to the best of my recollection, they’ve never begged for melon.
So do dogs really need breakfast? Do they find some dishes too heavy in the morning? Would they prefer fewer carbs so they don’t get sluggish during the workday? Has dog productivity been suffering all these years and we didn’t know it?
I don’t think so. I don’t think my dogs will get more done in a day if they start with egg whites and coffee. And I don’t think they know the difference between beef and a shoe, much less breakfast and dinner.
Let’s just get some perspective, here. We’re talking about animals who eat their own shit, and would happily do so twice a day if you put in in a dish. The more repulsive the smell, the more interested they are. They roll on dead birds, they eat the crotch out of dirty underwear, they lick your filthy feet until their eyes roll back into their heads. If Kal Kan came up with a tampon and vomit flavored kibble, they wouldn’t be able to keep in in stock.
So, no, my dogs don’t need a special food for breakfast.
I bought 12 packs.
22 responses so far ↓
1 Gunner13 // Aug 19, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Well, at least you bought 12 packs, not 12 pallets.
Not being a dog person, I should not comment further and won’t.
2 Gunner13 // Aug 19, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Besides which, April already said most of it and better than I could anyway.
3 Bad Bad Bozo // Aug 19, 2009 at 9:44 pm
There are eerie howls in the placew where the hills meet the lawns. Little furballs called ‘Poopsie’ and ‘Mystie’ and ‘Boner’ are gone by dawn. Occasionally someone finds an area in the chaparral where the brush is matted down and the area littered with leashes, licenses, tufts of fur and tiny bones. I wonder if they are breakfast or dinner.
4 Kandi // Aug 19, 2009 at 10:55 pm
What can I say, I do the same for my cat. I even dyed her tail hot pink so she looks sexy (well… like a lit cigarette).
Plenty of Germans eat poo…. and they like awesome Brats… Maybe we’re missing out on something.
I wonder if my scented used tampons taste like flowers.
5 MyMonoclePoppedOut // Aug 20, 2009 at 2:05 am
Oh, thank God someone else has had the crotch chewed out of underpants by a dog.
6 PeekaBooRevue // Aug 20, 2009 at 3:11 am
Don’t knock it if the dog has no allergies to it. Beats cooking!
xoxo
P.S. Cute hair!!
7 bnaivar // Aug 20, 2009 at 4:59 am
Maybe that’s for the little old ladies living on social security. They need breakfast too ya know.
8 pal Jacky // Aug 20, 2009 at 6:00 am
I actually cook for my dogs. A chicken/beef , rice, vegetable recipe, I got from my mom when she was dying. , if I’m cooking that for myself
The dogs were 2 and 9 when she died.
They are now 16 and the almost 9.
The younger one is a cancer survivor, he has been in remission since he was five.
In other words, I ain’t fucking with what seems to be working.
For complete disclosure, I occasionally will give them fast food chicken. The 16year old’s favorite is ‘el pollo loco’
and the younger one likes ‘Boston market’.
PS I’m only half jewish and if someone called one of my beliefs ‘nazi’, I would certainly give them an ear full.
last blog I know, but damn sometimes I just can’t believe the nerve of some people.
9 olegonzo // Aug 20, 2009 at 6:21 am
Strangely, Eddie Izzard points out that Cesar brand dog food for small yappers used to be called “Mr. Dog.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJz-yZUOgtM
10 Scott // Aug 20, 2009 at 7:58 am
My cat begs for melon then after he eats it he horks it up all over the kitchen.
11 Stretch99 // Aug 20, 2009 at 10:23 am
…lets be clear – it is just “Steak and Eggs flavored”
What is the flavor of an egg?!!!!
12 bnaivar // Aug 20, 2009 at 10:59 am
Stretch99:
It tastes like chicken.
13 jim // Aug 20, 2009 at 11:01 am
If dogs can have their own masseurs & therapists, they can have steak & eggs.
Actually it’s best (for us humans) to have meat at breakfast because it takes all day to digest, whereas cereals are better in the evening so one’s guts don’t have to work as hard – the typical daily meal-plan is perfectly ass-backwards.
14 DavidinBerkeley // Aug 20, 2009 at 11:21 am
Scott made me laugh!
15 DavidinBerkeley // Aug 20, 2009 at 11:23 am
Anybody know what AW is working on now? She hasn’t announced any commercials, any roles as a screeching housewife in cartoons, or any TV shows.
16 DavidinBerkeley // Aug 20, 2009 at 11:24 am
And speaking of gigs, did I miss her report on the sex toy awards? I don’t dare type it into the search engine while I’m at work.
17 DavidinBerkeley // Aug 20, 2009 at 11:25 am
Topic at hand: I don’t know what to say.
Like that’s stopped me before….
18 Stretch99 // Aug 20, 2009 at 3:25 pm
bnaivar:
HA you make funny YOKE
19 Nusa // Aug 21, 2009 at 7:01 am
I’ve been eating dinner for breakfast for years too. And breakfast for dinner, for that matter.
Now explain to me why my cat likes tobacco better than catnip? Any purse belonging to a smoker put down in his reach is going to get pawed through!
20 RCoA // Aug 21, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. Someone’s dog eats more regularly and better than I do. I hate someone.
21 joshpincusiscrying // Aug 23, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Great post, April. I read this through tears of laughter.
I’m glad I don’t have pets anymore. I would be able to pass this up.
22 Pookie // Aug 28, 2009 at 11:38 am
I can be such a sucker for pet things marketed to people. The dogs(babies) don’t care if it’s cute or new. I love it when my dog ignores something that I think is a brilliant idea. She’s so honest! I mean, she shits on our lawn, but she doesn’t give us shit!
I don’t even like breakfast food at breakfast, and I’m suddenly thinking steak and eggs would be great right now.
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