To commemorate the 8th anniversary of Patriots Day, I’m once again posting an extensive, handpicked assortment of Nine-Elevenalia.
I must preface this post by saying that I did not create anything you see here. If you read my blog with any regularity, you already know I’m not that creative.
No, every file is real, which means I’m only the curator of this exhibit. If you’re offended by anything you see here, or you think it’s too soon, or you knew someone who knew someone who almost died that day, or you have proof that the Jews all got an email warning them to stay home that day, or Building 7 was actually made of sugar, I don’t know what to tell you. Start with the man in the mirror.
Anyway, there is a lot of crap here, so I’ve taken the liberty of grouping this garbage into the following categories:
Let’s roll!™
• gifs
This was probably the most prolific category of Nine-Elevenalia, and I’m not surprised. After all, in this MySpace-age world we live in, everyone needs a sparkly way to say, “Thanks for the add!” or “Sorry your friends died in that building thingy.”
While there are thousands of glittery memorial snowglobes and weeping eagles on the internet, I have contented myself to show you just a handful. Please download them and put them all over your Facebook today, if only to annoy the terrorists in your extended network.
9/11: The Day America Cried.
Or wait, maybe it was the day the angels cried.
Hang on, it may have been the day the eagles cried.
It was also the day that giant eagles sat on snow globes that covered Manhattan.
The eagles were really busy that day.
Oh, I remember all right. Giant God damned eagles, swooping down with flags.
Freaked me right the fuck out.
Thanks for the “heroeship”!
Uh oh. Here come the tear’s.
They weren’t blown up. They were escorted!
Come on, it was fun! God even gave them corsages.
Anyone have any idea what the hell this means?
Classy. I think Cafe Press has this on a thong.
NEVER FORGOTTEN.
NEVER FORGET YOUR NAME.
NEVER FORGET TO USE THE HARRY POTTER FONT.
NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO READ THAT.
Hey all you dead guys checking your Facebook in heaven? Wait for us, ok? kthxbai
tl;dr
And also fireworks. And heroeship.
Best wishes on this special day! There’s cake in the break room!
• music
Of all the tragedy came out of 9/11, nothing is sadder than these.
• tattoos
When selecting a tattoo design, it’s important to choose something you would enjoy looking at for the rest of your life.
Unless you put it on your back. Then it’s your wife’s problem.
• merchandise
• personal expression
• inadvertantly offensive
You could make the argument that some of these images were designed to provoke an emotional response, but I think they stop short of pure trolling, which is the gold standard. I also think some of this was pure stupidity, which is not the same as being an asshole.
• deliberately offensive
I’m sure there are many hundreds of files I missed, but this is all I have the stomach for, and it’s almost 9/12.
I hope you see at least one new thing here, and that you never forget whatever it was that you were supposed to remember.
Trying to make a couple of bucks on 9/11 is one thing.
Trying to get some bullshit advertising award by doing unauthorized, unsolicited work for a charity and making them look like ghouls in the process is something else entirely.
This year’s Twin Douchebag Award goes to . . .
DDB ADVERTISING, BRAZIL
For this spectacularly horrific and ultimately meaningless bit of batshittery.
25 responses so far ↓
1 John Foley // Sep 11, 2009 at 10:53 am
You’re more of a docent than a curator.
2 Tweets that mention April Winchell » The Second Annual Mother of All 9/11 Posts -- Topsy.com // Sep 11, 2009 at 11:22 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ginalou and joshpincus. ginalou said: @cherylprolapse I think you'll enjoy this. http://bit.ly/bOoOx [...]
3 notbad // Sep 11, 2009 at 11:43 am
I just puked and it came out red, white and blue. never forget.
4 bnaivar // Sep 11, 2009 at 12:16 pm
…we’re walking…we’re walking…
5 Stretch99 // Sep 11, 2009 at 12:40 pm
…this may be slightly off topic – but i have been trying to make friends with a cat who lives in my complex. I was rewarded today with a dead mouse left at my doorstep
I couldn’t be happier. Nothing shows acceptance better than a dead mouse!!
6 Pookie // Sep 11, 2009 at 12:55 pm
what the FUCK is that WWF thing?!
I loved it when my cat brought giant mutant grasshoppers to the door, with their one remaining leg kind of scrabbling around. But she also brought giant dry leaves that barely fit in her mouth. She was so proud. That was a killer cat. She could drop a leaf, I tell you.
Okay, yeah, but WHAT the FUCK with that video?!
And the song “Unborn Baby of the Towers” or whatever the fuck it is?! WHAT happens to people, and why can’t we kill them?
I sure wish my cat would have brought a couple of twitchin glenn beck’s to the door and just left them there to be escorted to heaven.
7 RCoA // Sep 11, 2009 at 1:10 pm
“Mommy, why don’t my tears sparkle like an eagle?”
8 joshpincusiscrying // Sep 11, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Everytime you don’t think about 9/11, the terrorist win.
Or something like that.
9 April Winchell, also wonderful | Czeltic Girl // Sep 11, 2009 at 2:52 pm
[...] got her “Second Annual Mother of All 9/11 Posts” blog entry posted. You know — in case you missed any [...]
10 Laura Root // Sep 11, 2009 at 3:01 pm
The boxed knife set is my favorite. That is certain to make all families left behind feel much better. They could usse it on the advertisers…”Never forget this, asshole”.
11 pdrunk // Sep 11, 2009 at 4:05 pm
You kind of have to give Cookie Monster a pass as it was 1976 which was way before either bombing. Though he is fair game for other things like how he no longer eats cookies. That’s just busted.
12 april // Sep 11, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Pdrunk – Agreed. There are actually a few in that category that were way before any of this, which is why I labeled them “Inadvertently Offensive”.
13 Baker’s dozen links dump // Sep 11, 2009 at 6:57 pm
[...] not share. And by “awesome,” I mean as fucking awesome as a Fat Elvis velvet painting: April Winchell Presents The Second Annual Mother of All 9/11 Posts. I feel like I should dust off a blink or marquee tag for this [...]
14 ShannonS // Sep 12, 2009 at 4:36 am
Now watch Three Days of the Condor to see the real reason.
Robert Redford did it.
15 Edgar // Sep 12, 2009 at 9:40 am
The one thing in that post that actually offended me was that pseudo-ad by those sanctimonious Brazilian asshats. The Indian Ocean Tsunami of 2004 was caused by undersea plate tectonics, which aren’t effected one iota by industrial activity. So what’s the implied message? If we incur the wrath of the Earth goddess Giai, she’ll unleash more tsunamis upon us? Reminds me of those ads those smug PETA fuckheads ran (referenced in your latest archival podcast) where they were implying that the brutal shark attack on that little boy was some kind of shrewd political statement by the sharks, thus inferring that the kid had it coming due to his elders’ sinful activities and the fish of the world’s oceans were the real victims here. Dipshit “Deep” ecologists are the lefty counterpart to the religious right zealots.
16 Scott // Sep 12, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Yikes! How did I miss the free medium fries from Burger King? What a wonderful tribute the the dead.
Seriously, could anything be more tacky?
17 chrisbcritter // Sep 13, 2009 at 1:19 am
Only if the ad showed a bag with just two long french fries sticking out.
18 pal Jacky // Sep 13, 2009 at 11:50 am
“”You kind of have to give Cookie Monster a pass as it was 1976 which was way before either bombing. Though he is fair game for other things like how he no longer eats cookies. That’s just busted.”"
Obviously you don’t know who was really behind 9/11.
And you probably thought Jim Henson was really dead.
“”Yikes! How did I miss the free medium fries from Burger King? What a wonderful tribute the the dead.
Seriously, could anything be more tacky?”"
a commemorative sale of the BBQ bacon cheese burger at Carl’s Jr.?
19 Ira Shlamazel // Sep 13, 2009 at 9:13 pm
??? ?????
20 jj // Sep 15, 2009 at 9:13 pm
I like the big round thing with the planets and shit on it…and that “never forget” tattoo with the fireman…who the fuck is the woman in the green top and what’s up with her face?
21 jj // Sep 15, 2009 at 9:17 pm
oh wait…I think it’s supposed to be an angel…in a green spandex top. Angel of Death is a redneck…I suppose I should have guessed that.
And has anyone EVER seen a real axe with a triangular chink broken out of the blade? That’s always bothered me…
22 Lips and Hooves // Sep 21, 2009 at 3:00 pm
About the music video by that Dennis guy– Based on his pronunciation, I’m wondering if he spells it, “Ameraca”, or “Ameruhcuh”, or something. Someone needs to tell him there’s an “i” in there.
Hmm. Then again, maybe he’s trying to say there’s no “I” in “Ameraca”, you know, united we stand and all…. and with the angels and everything. I don’t know. I’m probably over-thinking this.
23 MyMonoclePoppedOut // Sep 25, 2009 at 9:58 am
The message is that there were “greater” tragedies occuring in other regions, and because we think of ourselves as the center of the universe, especially those of you from California, then we’ve decided ours should be an annual holiday. Never mind that terrorists have done far worse damage in other regions than ours, but ours is the “most” important, because it happened to us.
They’re trying to make a comparison about how easily we could care less about other’s tragedies.
24 april // Sep 25, 2009 at 10:34 am
Whose making a comparison? Can you be more specific, because you’re trolling a post from 2 weeks ago.
25 99 Cent // Sep 26, 2009 at 1:27 am
I may be a little late, but I just now found this.
http://cgi.ebay.com/WORLD-TRADE-CENTER-SILVER-STRIKE-GAMING-TOKEN-LAS-VEGAS_W0QQitemZ390077675976QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item5ad270f9c8&_trksid=p3286.m20.l1116
The word ‘tasteless’ leaps to mind.
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