I’m taking a break from the site to work on another project. All the archives and mp3s will stay up for your amusement.
I’ll be back as soon as I have time to maintain this cesspool in the manner you have come to expect.
Happy Halloween!
Hiatus
October 15th, 2009 · 86 Comments
Tags: News You Can Use
86 responses so far ↓
1 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 15, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Please make sure to take pictures of you and your Cheeto-dog at Halloween, so you can post them when you get back!
2 paper-hat // Oct 15, 2009 at 2:03 pm
oh blast it…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtUSeNAvts&fmt=18
3 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 15, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Let’s fill in for AW. I’ll start by saying that I’m surprised that she doesn’t know about this yet:
The Brazilian company Petsmiling has created a prototype DoggieLoveDoll in three sizes, designed as a “mountable,” anatomically correct sex partner for male dogs. It was introduced at the Pet South America fair in Sao Paulo in July, according to Associated Press photos. [Baltimore Sun-AP, 7-27-09]
4 Andre // Oct 15, 2009 at 8:58 pm
“…designed as a ‘mountable,’ anatomically correct sex partner for male dogs.”
Uh…yeah…for dogs.
5 CharethCutestory // Oct 15, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Sometimes people can be like dogs. Just saying.
6 Doug // Oct 16, 2009 at 7:32 am
Got this from Wiki:
In 2007, Li Gengbao’s penis was cut off by his wife because she believed he was cheating on her. After hearing Li Gengbao plead for his penis back, the wife threw it out the window where the neighbor’s dog ate it. The wife was given a three-year suspended sentence after her husband asked the judge to be lenient.
7 Stretch99 // Oct 16, 2009 at 7:57 am
…thats good to know.
because the inflatable sheep I got from the Pleasure Chest needs replacing
8 Nusa // Oct 16, 2009 at 12:18 pm
I bet April is working on her Halloween costume!
9 PeekaBooRevue // Oct 16, 2009 at 2:34 pm
marriage or a baby?
10 pal Jacky // Oct 16, 2009 at 2:47 pm
The Jeff dunham show starts on comedy central next week.
the puppets are just in her blood.
Has anyone ever scene jeff dunham and april in the same room at the same time?
11 Auntie Vera Charles // Oct 16, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Do people ever go an Low-atis?
I smell Sully poop.
12 Ira Shlamazel // Oct 16, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Ask Michael Richards, Auntie V.
Jacks, April could in no way ugly up enough to be Jeff. And I’m pretty sure April takes after her mother more than her dad. Not much of a puppet master.
If you ask me, (and God help you if you do) I’m thinking girl’s got work to do: money to make, a wedding to plan, a house to buy (my mouth to God’s ears) and well, act three is about to start.
Mazel tov, April!
13 april // Oct 16, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Not buying a house
Not planning a wedding
Not having a baby
Not making money. . . . . yet.
On the verge of making a swell deal. I’ll keep you posted.
14 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 16, 2009 at 5:32 pm
If the “swell deal” is doggie sex toys, then I blew her surprise.
Dang.
15 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 16, 2009 at 5:35 pm
So let’s take this opportunity to solve some mysteries.
Did AW ever say specifically what it was that made her leave that Fox series?
All I remember is they asked her to do something she said she wouldn’t do, which would have to be pretty far off the diving board for someone who french-kissed a Jerry Mahoney puppet for a photo once.
16 ShannonS // Oct 16, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Fine, deprive me of my exercise of jumping to conclusions.
17 PeekaBooRevue // Oct 16, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Well Best Wishes Momma, we’re all routin’ for ya
18 Andre // Oct 17, 2009 at 12:39 am
Here’s some meager content…
“Your secret self immortalized in a private session with photographer Leonard Nimoy”
http://www.smmoa.org/index.php/programs/group/0/2
I’m going naked.
19 pal Jacky // Oct 17, 2009 at 2:23 pm
notice april didn’t deny getting into man drag and parading around comedy central with puppets.
20 Nusa // Oct 18, 2009 at 1:29 am
She also didn’t deny the Halloween costume….of course, that could be the same thing!
21 CynicalKnight // Oct 19, 2009 at 10:00 am
I hope that sweet deal doesn’t involve a mylar ballon.
22 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 19, 2009 at 10:39 am
What is WRONG with me? I’ve only just NOW figured out what AW is doing.
She needs money. It’s nearing the end of the year.
I don’t know why I didn’t remember it before.
23 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 19, 2009 at 10:40 am
She’s finally doing a glossy, 2010 John Foley calendar.
And I think it is just so nice of her.
24 Nusa // Oct 19, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Guest-hosting for Martha Stewart?
Exit interviews for Judge Judy?
Staffing for David Letterman?
Weather-girl on the local news?
Ok, that last one is pretty lame, I admit.
25 PeekaBooRevue // Oct 19, 2009 at 7:10 pm
I’ll go with a Chrissy Le Creme guest spot
26 CharethCutestory // Oct 19, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I suspect she’s teaching at the high school she attended and Babarino is there and Epstein and Horshack. The whole gang!
27 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 20, 2009 at 10:33 am
I’m so glad someone else remembers Chrissy LaCreme. I thought it was just a dream.
No, I’m still rooting for the calendar.
A swimsuit calendar. Shot in Barbados. That’s all I’m asking for.
28 RCoA // Oct 20, 2009 at 5:15 pm
This is to help with Stretch99’s sheep situation. They don’t sell these at The Pleasure Chest.
http://bit.ly/1gNF0l
29 Stretch99 // Oct 21, 2009 at 11:36 am
“Not buying a house, Not planning a wedding, Not having a baby”
JINKIES ! gang we have a mystery. I’ll grab the Scooby Snax!!
“rank Ru RCoA” (cue Scooby Doo laugh)
30 Andre // Oct 21, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Zoiks!
31 haineux // Oct 21, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Famed TV Theme Composer Vic Mizzy just passed away, and since April is preoccupied filming the next season of Celebrity Rehab, I figured I’d just post this for her:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRltZc416m0
32 pal Jacky // Oct 22, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Celebrity rehab makes a lot of sense. Perhaps suzanne somers can be her sponsor. The fact SS isn’t clean and sober won’t stand in her way of being of service to a fellow 12 stepper.
Do you know if they are going to force her into her Jeff Dunham mandrag for that?
I hope so then she can share a room with andy’s dick
33 PeekaBooRevue // Oct 22, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Oh No! I love Vic Mizzy! Damn….
34 Stretch99 // Oct 23, 2009 at 8:31 am
Maybe when April gets back she will post cuts from the Vic Mizzy CD I sent her. Its technically called “Music from the Addams Family.” April played the Addams Family theme (as sung by the Vic Mizzy singers) and “Morticia’s theme” during one of her Halloween shows. I was stoked!!!
35 Stretch99 // Oct 23, 2009 at 8:32 am
…two Scooby snax for Andre
36 Stretch99 // Oct 23, 2009 at 10:02 am
NO SOUPY FOR YOU !! NEXT!
RIP Soupy Sales – dead at 83
37 Glo // Oct 23, 2009 at 11:23 am
ruh-roh! I hope it’s the BG project.
38 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 23, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Vic Mizzy
Soupy Sales
One more, ’cause they always come in threes…
39 pal Jacky // Oct 23, 2009 at 1:59 pm
april’s new show was completely unwatchable.
I tried 3 times. Comedy central showed it at 9, 10:30, and 12:30 last night.
I got through the first section with the old fart. The went to a couple’s counselor who turned out to be gay. And the homophobia and laughter ensued.
It ended up with the puppet sitting on a john in the men’s room. Now that is comedy.
After the commercial she pulled out the dead sucicide bomber puppet and I turned the channel, 3 times. I think I missed the ‘pimp’ puppet and the illegal alien as a Jalapeno pepper puppet. But how many tired stereotypes can one take in a short period of time? Tru TV was showing ‘the world’s dumbest somethingoranothers’ and I found myself being able to watch that 3 times with no problem.
Whe one would rather be watching Danny Bonaduce you know you’ve got an dreadful show on your hands.
Actually the state of comedy central has been pretty pathetic lately. South park has been really lame for the past few seasons and does giving the likes of Nick Shwarston and Greg Geraldo hour long specials make a like of sense to anyone?
40 Andre // Oct 23, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Thanks for the Scooby Snax, Stretch. And happy belated birthday wishes to you.
41 Stretch99 // Oct 23, 2009 at 2:38 pm
“Vic Mizzy
Soupy Sales
One more, ’cause they always come in threes”
my guess is pal jacky
who appears to be off the meds again…
JINKIES
42 Stretch99 // Oct 23, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Thanx Andre and a hearty “n’yuk n’yuk n’yuk” for letting me know that Curley was born 10/22 like me.
Channeling my inner-Stooge (eye poke not included)
43 Pookie // Oct 24, 2009 at 1:34 pm
no, seriously. what are you doing?
44 Pookie // Oct 24, 2009 at 1:34 pm
that was disrespectful, and i feel bad about it. what the FUCK are you doing?
45 Pookie // Oct 24, 2009 at 1:36 pm
dear April;
many people lash out when they are hurt.
love,
someone who can’t figure out for the life of her why you’d neglect someone who cares for you, when you aren’t doing anything important anyway.
46 Stretch99 // Oct 26, 2009 at 8:43 am
weird – I though Pookie died when Soupy Sales died…
Isn’t that right White Fang?!
47 pal Jacky // Oct 26, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I missed the worst.
Since comedy central repeats their new shows 2 dozen times over the next 72 hours,I caught some more of the Jeff Dunham show.
He takes his white trash puppet to a firing range to shoot guns and drink beer.
Now it is a mission, I have to watch every episode. I must endure the tortures of the damned to further my Noble cause. It is hard to be a trash culture martyr .
48 CharethCutestory // Oct 26, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I can just barely get through watching the Jeff Dunham commercials without stabbing myself in the eye. I’m sure I’d be blind, bleeding from the ears and quite dead if I had to endure an entire episode. I’ll ask someone who believes in God to pray for you Jacky.
49 Stretch99 // Oct 27, 2009 at 8:30 am
Ahh-MEN sister as they say in churches in West Hollywood…
50 jim // Oct 27, 2009 at 11:06 am
Hiatus?
I had a friend who had one – poor guy, he had to wear a truss for years after that … best of luck with your hiatus!
51 Stretch99 // Oct 27, 2009 at 12:50 pm
VIC MIZZY: BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW!!!
“For his theme song for the 1964-66 series “The Addams Family,” Mizzy played a harpsichord, giving the theme its unique flavor. Because the production company, Filmways, refused to pay for singers, Mizzy sang it himself and overdubbed it three times, The Times reported.
The song is punctuated by finger-snapping, prompting Mizzy to say in a 2008 interview on CBS’ “Sunday Morning” show: “That’s why I’m living in Bel- Air: Two finger snaps and you live in Bel-Air.”
52 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 27, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Thanks for the extra info, Stretch.
I also read somewhere that he did the writing and recording without payment (or for very little), since the production couldn’t offer him any. He got the rights instead and ended up making a zillion.
I love stories like that.
53 pal Jacky // Oct 27, 2009 at 6:58 pm
“” I’ll ask someone who believes in God to pray for you Jacky.”"
Thanks, but this is this is intelluctual self morification.
Kind of like I’ve seen all the ‘Saw’ films on opening day. The new one is tanking and it is one of the worst films I’ve ver seen, and yet it is one of the best of the series. I have a question for anyone who takes this jigsaw’s moral dilemmas seriously. How is killing off innocent people to teach a horrible person a lesson really something to feel good about?
That is off the point. My current state of mental anguish concerns Jeff Dunham.
Which is worse, a non funny person saying unfunny things that are ever so slightly offense and obvious and then telling everyone how politically incorrect he is every five minutes like Carlos Mencia.
Or someone who obviously has some serious race and gender issues not seeing how real people would find it offensive and the audience thinking he is just being ‘politcally incorrect’ like jeff dunham.
54 Ira Shlamazel // Oct 27, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Jacky- WTF?
I told you before, April is much too good to involved in this Jeff Schmo show!
The 1/2 hour News Hour is a prime example of April not sacrificing principles for a paycheck.
You shouldn’t have put yourself through that. What are you, a monk?
Take a Xanax, have a cocktail and avoid bright lights.
If Jeff Dumbham was so wonderful, then why are they hyping him so much? Because while he had decent ratings the first episode, the next show was in the toilet!
They gambled, and they lost.
I smell lord of the flies in here…
55 CharethCutestory // Oct 27, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I smell pot.
Oh wait, that’s me.
56 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 28, 2009 at 10:49 am
Back on topic:
(aka, back to stuff that I’m interested in…)
Does anybody remember the time in the late 80’s when every magazine show had features about shirtless male model calendars? Those were the days, man.
57 Stretch99 // Oct 28, 2009 at 12:44 pm
don’t bogart Cutestory and I’ll tell you my story of running into Rip Taylor at the cannabis dispensary in North Hollywood…!!
fun times!!
58 Stretch99 // Oct 29, 2009 at 8:13 am
Two snaps and a zillion dollars for Vic Mizzy!!!
{snap} {snap}
59 pal Jacky // Oct 29, 2009 at 11:53 am
but carlos mencia was on four four seasons before they pulled the plug. Dunham has got to be good for eight. And there is none of those pesky videos showing dunham steals other peoples acts verbatem like mencia had. Comedy central still let him have two more seasons after that.
I didn’t mention that his retarded puppet going out on the date with ‘beautifu blonde’ Brooke Hogan. They even praised her singing and shilled her album. It is completely out of touch with reality. Not since ‘dr quinn, Medicine woman’ went off the air have I felt more alive.
60 DavidinBerkeley // Oct 29, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I will attempt to make it more April-like around here by saying that science is getting closer to eliminating annoying celebrities (like Jennifer Aniston) AT THE SOURCE:
The human brain’s 100 billion neurons may have such specific functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients, inadvertently discovered this unusual property, which apparently varies with individuals but remains internally consistent, whether the celebrity is represented by picture, name or sound. Patients were presented “hundreds of stimuli,” one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October, but “the neuron would respond to only one or two.” For example, neurons were found that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, only to “The Simpsons,” only to Mother Teresa. [Wall Street Journal, 10-9-09]
61 Stretch99 // Oct 29, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Michael Jackson walked up to the Pearly Gates, looked around and said “This is it?!”
Michael Jackson died of food poisoning… he ate a 6 year old weiner…!!!
62 MichaelLTEL // Oct 30, 2009 at 11:10 am
Is anyone dressing up for Halloween?
With a lab coat and a magnafying glass, you can be Richard Heene Science Detective (balloon-boy’s dad).
Has anyone heard his homemade jingle for his attempt to prolong his reality show fame?
63 pal Jacky // Oct 30, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I laughed more at television last night than I did all week.
I caught the newest ‘jeff dunham show’ and newest ’southpark’
Of course, I didn’t start laughing until I changed it to FX and ‘It’s always sunny in Philadelphia’ . However, Danny DeVito eating garbage gets me every time.
Just one small Jeff Dunham is god awful moment. His dead suicide bomber puppet has a French cousin. Now the studio audience laughed and laughed like they were still selling ‘freedom fries’ in congress’s cafeteria. The french aligning themselves with the terrorists is so 2003.
64 PeekaBooRevue // Oct 31, 2009 at 5:29 pm
You are in the sequel to Roger Rabbit!
65 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 2, 2009 at 3:52 pm
It’s after Halloween. She’s maybe supposed to be back to announce her money-making scheme, yes?
Please: Swimsuitcalendar swimsuitcalendar swimsuitcalendar!
66 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 2, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I’m just sayin’….
67 TalkinHorse // Nov 3, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Kevin Spacey got a waiter fired!
Watching that video, I’m not jumping to any conclusions about the incident. This may be the kind of waiter from whom you deliberately order the Bananas Flambé not because you want it, but because you know he’ll fumble the operation and end up setting himself on fire. That’s the classy way to get rid of guys like this.
68 pal Jacky // Nov 3, 2009 at 5:05 pm
http://www.break.com/index/two-girls-one-cyst.html
Did april and John ever post that pus video?
they are gonna’ have to be real good to top this one.
69 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 3, 2009 at 7:07 pm
The waiter was sounding reasonable up until the point where he started talking about acting jobs.
70 jandu // Nov 3, 2009 at 11:06 pm
BULLSHIT.
What about what I want?
71 clevelandphil // Nov 5, 2009 at 12:38 pm
They should’ve sicced the waitress from Ships on Kevin Spacey. I would’ve loved to have seen the incident. I love it when fags square off against each other.
72 Ira Shlamazel // Nov 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm
My friend just sent this. The Wolf Blitzer machine had a glitch…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKjK0Dawup0
73 Stretch99 // Nov 5, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Don’t mess with Mr. Ed they will call him to testify:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091105/ap_on_re_us/us_horse_molester
74 Ira Shlamazel // Nov 5, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Oh, Stretch!
What must your search history look like?
75 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 5, 2009 at 7:14 pm
I just thought I’d post this about an adorable little girl:
Just before her sixth birthday, Elena Desserich was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 135 days to live. She lived 255 days, passing away in 2007. After her death, Elena’s parents, Brooke and Keith, found hundreds of notes from Elena hidden around the house — in between CD cases, between bookshelves, in dresser drawers, in backpacks….
http://www.notesleftbehind.com/elena/
76 Ira Shlamazel // Nov 5, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Great.
Mortality.
Because it’s only been like, what, 3 minutes since I’ve thought about death?
77 pal Jacky // Nov 5, 2009 at 11:54 pm
This week Jeff Dunham’s suicide bomber terrorist puppet when to classes to become an american citizen.
Then his pimp puppet went to a black barbershop to discover why Jeff dunham has no African-American fans.
The fact he is a thinly veiled racist didn’t come up.
PS anyone wondering what this has to do with April, only needs to read the LA times article about dunham from yesterday(nov 4). Her father was mentioned.
78 Ira Shlamazel // Nov 6, 2009 at 6:15 am
As an example of a ventriloquist with actual talent?
79 Stretch99 // Nov 6, 2009 at 9:58 am
…just how can a man compete with a horse penis – the lady horse probably just laughed – THAT ALL YOU GOT?!
80 Andre // Nov 6, 2009 at 1:01 pm
We’re not all as blessed as you, Stretch (at least from what you tell me.)
And Ira, Wolf’s brain fart is not nearly as embarrassing as his crash and burn on Celebrity Jeopardy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVC28oemocA&feature=related
81 DavidinBerkeley // Nov 6, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Techno-Stupidity Hits a New High:
Big Ben has a Twitter account and sends messages like this to over 7,000 followers, ON THE HOUR.
http://neatorama.cachefly.net/misscellania/450bigben.jpg
http://twitter.com/big_ben_clock
82 Ira Shlamazel // Nov 6, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Oh, I know!
I’m hoping someone incorporates it musically.
83 ShannonS // Nov 6, 2009 at 4:56 pm
In April’s absense, and as a public service because by now everyone is bored with masterbating and starting to Google “the choking game” out of curiosity, I am posting this website I found.
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=12
Make some popcorn and enjoy.
84 ShannonS // Nov 6, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Pal Jacky,
I should know better than to click on your links.
Now I shall wait for my husband to come home and start Two Girls One Cyst without his knowing…
85 pal Jacky // Nov 6, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Actually the entire article was about how great edger Bergen was and how finally someone worthy of his footsteps has arrived.
Is it any wonder that the L.A. times is losing readership?
Paul winchell, Shari lewis and that one guy who drew faces on his hands(i’m too lazy to look his name up) were sited as the ‘next generation’ after bergen who weren’t as great as Dunham.
Shannon, my brother -in-law, told me he it was the most disgusting thing he had seen and had to turn it off. After questioning it turns out the wimp only got past the popping with th X-acto knife and didn’t get to any of the squeezing. I find two details fascinating. the ‘midwife’ has got a band aid on her finger which means she probably has an wound, and you can hear a baby crying near the end.
i’ll check out the exact time to report back. If anyone has a better pus video please give us a hyperlink, because I( haven’t seen one, though the girl with the oozing absess in her mouth comes close, because the pus is in her mouth.
86 Ira Shlamazel // Nov 7, 2009 at 8:45 am
ShannonS-
Yeah. You should probably go wash your hands now.
And your mouse.
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