I went to a web site yesterday that generates reports on your traffic and readership. These reports let you see where most of your visitors come from, and what they click on. That can be very helpful, because it allows you to give people more of what they want, and less of what they don’t.
You know, if you give a rat’s ass.
What really got my attention were the search results.
These are the terms that people put into Google or Yahoo, and lead them to my little corner of the web. Seeing what searches yield the most hits tells me what people are looking for, and I can use that information to get more readers!
Let’s take a look, shall we?
So what have we we learned today?
“Pron” comes somewhere between French farce and Jim Nabors - as in real life.
More people want to see Elvis in his casket than Tiger Woods play golf.
Illinois citizens enjoy breast cakes and accordion sex. And having spent a weekend in Elgin, I’m not at all surprised.
Paris Hilton’s snatch is more popular than her vagina, but people still mistake the echo for yodeling.
Only 1 person is looking for Bono humor, and he still hasn’t found what he’s looking for.
0.90% of the people who come here are not gay. But they like your booty.
I’ve always felt that there wasn’t enough accordion sex on April’s website.
I want you to know that I found you via a strong, shared dislike for Patricia Heaton. And from there, became smitten with your MP3 Library. Viva AWFUL music! I both love and fear you.
Yes, and who could forget April’s video response to Ms. Heaton’s anti-stem cell video? I’d love to see it again, but apparently it is now private:
http://nowcobbblog.blogspot.com/2006_12_01_archive.html
I no longer worry about Google becoming sentient and enslaving all of us. It still might do it without becoming sentient, though.
Had to follow “yodel sound clip” to Mary Schneider yodeling the classics on your show in 2001. Thanks for perking up my Wednesday. Been missing my SPT fix.
“Paris Hilton’s snatch is more popular than her vagina, but people still mistake the echo for yodeling.”
I laughed so hard I think I peed.
This.
Are there uses for Vitalis that I don’t know about?
Because all I ever believe are what commercials tell me.
Damn. The 6 people who find my blog via a search engine are looking for kirigami projects. You lead a much more interesting life than I do.
I would rather look at Paris Hilton’s crotch than a Kay Jewelers Christmas commercial.
(Their slogan is “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.” For what I’m paying for a ring, I’m going to Eff Jewelers.)