I put up this post five years ago, when Clay Aiken came out to his fans. There are two things about the event that I still find hard to believe:
1. Someone didn’t know that Clay Aiken was gay
2. Someone gave a shit
And yet, there was chaos in the Claynation, as heartbroken fans came to terms with the fact that everything was ruined forever.
She made someone a Christian rolemodel because she saw him on TV, and he turns out to be a big homo. What is she supposed to do now? Learn how to spell “pedestal?”
What kind of people actually have to process the sexual orientation of a complete stranger? Who in their right mind needs emotional support from other strangers, to accept someone else’s private life? What kind of narcissist turns everything into something they personally have to overcome?
Well, the kind of people who have sexual feelings for Clay Aiken. Or more precisely, Christian women of a certain age, who today are sobbing into their Laura Ashley bedspreads and wondering why no one loved him enough to pray the gay away.
Of course, some people are just plain mad. And who could blame them? After all, Clay Aiken ruined Christmas.
How can she listen to O Holy Night, knowing he desires unholy nights?
How can she listen to Santa Claus is Coming, when he might be coming on Clay’s face?
How can she look at gaily wrapped packages?
How can she stuff the turkey when Clay is probably getting the same treatment in a hotel room near an air force base?
Well, she can’t. All she can do is stand up and say, “Lord, help me look past Clay’s charity work so I can ridicule him forever.” She used to be able to pray on her knees, but that’s something else Clay ruined for her.
By the way, isn’t it interesting that people decrying homosexuality always use the expression “shoving it down my throat”? Just once I’d like to hear someone say, “I’m sick and tired of having their alternative lifestyle lubed up and repeatedly shoved up my hot, willing ass.”