A few years ago, when I was still on the radio, a listener sent me a link to something called “Get Slim Slippers”.
I have to admit, I didn’t get it. To me, it looked like someone picked up a few thousand size 0 slippers in China and had to come up with some angle to unload them.
But maybe I was overlooking the obvious. Maybe every time you get up to go to the refrigerator, you fall. And that slows you down a little.
So I decided to read the copy:
With Get Slim Slippers, you will not go on a diet, change your eating habits, take any medicine or do lots of exercises just to get slim.
The six powerful magnets located near the surface of the slippers will, when walking, stimulate the nerve endings in the soles and increase blood circulation.
This effect will speed up your metabolism and improve digestion and elimination.
Hang on . . . you’re saying that simply by walking, you can increase your metabolism?
Obviously, I had no choice but to go on the radio and ridicule these people and their bullshit slippers. And to my surprise, they sent me an email afterward.
Subject: Your Shoe on December 7
From: Digicom Matsu Industries Inc.
To: April Winchell
On the 7th of December, you have mentioned the Get Slim Slippers on your show.
We produce and sell the slippers, and do not recall selling to you a pair. Did you really tried the slippers, or just felt like saying something “So Nice” about the slippers. I really wish you could try the slippers, or any other product before you choose to criticize.
Your prompt reply will be appreciated,
C Chalamish, CEO
Digicom Matsu Industries Inc.
Subject: My Shoe on December 7
From: April Winchell
To: Digicom Matsu Industries Inc.
Dear Mr. Chalamish,
Thank you for listening to my shoe.
I won’t comment on the fact that you sell so few of these shoes that you can remember every one of your customers. I would never say anything “so nice.”
But what you don’t realize is that I did tried your slippers!
I admit, after I ate the first one, my appetite was way down. Unfortunately, after I passed it some time later, I went right back to my old eating habits.
Perhaps you could create some sort of maintenance program, where customers would get one shoe every month, just to keep them on track. Or we could just snack on Peds during the day. Who doesn’t love a grape Knee-High?
I would write more, but my pizza is here.