I’ve gone and put some premium content on the site. Is that incredible or what?

Now you can download 9 Highlight reels, representing the very best stuff from the KFI years. Each reel is an hour or more, with a jewel case insert in PDF format. And each installment is only $1.

Now I realize this is all culled from stuff that’s already on the site for free. And if you want to waste precious years of your life looking for one actual joke, have at it.

But why bother, when longtime ex-listener Craig has already done it for you? He subjected himself to that torture, so that you could simply spend one dollar for an hour of unadulterated, unspoiled hilarity. Think of him as your comedy food taster.

And if you like these, keep an eye out for the next batch: 25 Highlight Reels from my shows with Mr. KABC!

Now I only get 75¢ per download, so I’m not looking to buy Candy Spelling’s mansion any time soon. But I hope to get a sense of whether selling digital content will work for you. If this is really a viable thing, I’ll start podcasting again and you can get new shit for your buck.

See what you think and let me know. Visit the “Premium” link at the top of the page, or just click here.

Me neither.

Nothing even resembling a podcast has happened in quite some time. Not only have Marc and I been busy trying to get our mystery project up and running, I’ve actually been . . . oh what do they call that again?

Oh yes.

Working.

In the last few weeks, I’ve done a commercial for Kmart, voiced roles in the new Rob Zombie movie, worked on Phineas and Ferb, and on Thursday, I’ll be doing Penguins, which is a Disney series from the people behind Madagascar. Can you believe that? If I wasn’t so drunk, I’d think I was hallucinating.

I’m not completely sure when we’re going to get another podcast up, but from reading your comments, I can tell you have to get something to listen to pretty quickly. You’ve stopped short of actual threats, but it’s an uneasy peace.

So today I’m uploading three new highlight reels, which you can get here (or at the bottom of this post). What I think makes these worthwhile is that they’re from my first years at KFI, and they’re completely ridiculous.

I fondly recall this period as sort of the tail end of a great period in local radio. Clear Channel hadn’t yet hadn’t yet gotten to the stage where they demanded right-wing conservative blathering from every gasbag they hired, and little fish like me were largely alone to create their own formats. And since I had no sponsors and only did weekends, KFI management didn’t really give a shit what I was doing.

Obviously, not everything I tried was successful, but the failures were entertaining in their own right. It was all part of trying to create a new kind of radio that was more about amusing people than irritating them.

It was great for a while, but the burnout was inevitable. No matter how hard I worked or what I accomplished, I was just a placeholder for another clone. Talk radio would continue to be distilled down to a few personalities, and even fewer points of view.

And I think that’s really the best indicator of how very out of step Clear Channel is. Terrestrial radio is in financial freefall, and the first thing they cut from ther budgets are local hosts. As podcasting explodes, corporate radio responds by giving us fewer voices.

Yeah.

I hope you enjoy these highlight reels. I like to think we’re heading back to this kind of freedom.

I like to think we’re going to demand it.

KFI Highlight Reel: July – September 2002

KFI Highlight Reel: March – November 2002

KFI Highlight Reel: November 2001 – June 2002

(Many thanks to SoCalFKK for sitting through endless hours of marginal entertainment to put these Highlight Reels together.)

Technically, of course, what I’m offering isn’t new. It’s pretty much the same shit you’ve been listening to for years, but now it’s packaged differently. It’s kind of the Scrapple of comedy, only not as appetizing.

In any case, I’ve got 9 new reels uploaded. These come courtesy of longtime ex-listener Craig, who sat through hours of stammering, bullshitting and forgetting what I was going to say, and then edited what was left over into an almost coherent stream of something resembling entertainment.

Here’s what’s new on the Highlights page:

KABC Highlight Reel: December 2004 – March 2005

KABC Highlight Reel: January 2005

KABC Highlight Reel: January 2006

KABC Highlights Reel: April – May 2005

KABC Highlights Reel: May – June 2005

KABC Highlights Reel: Week of July 4, 2005

KABC Highlights Reel: August 2005

KABC Highlights Reel: September 2005

KABC Highlights Reel: December 2005

• Why are we so fascinated by these things?
• The worst week of customer service
• Last call at Neiman Marcus
• Speaking of Elderly homosexuals
• Dell
• The new apartment
• The Oreo story
• New Year’s Eve in Boston
• So I’m in Vons the other day
• Trashing David Copperfield
• And this was the reply
• What can you tell me about James Spader?
• Let’s talk Shatner
• Phone calls
• I love Izzy’s Deli
• I was in Carl’s Jr.
• What’s with the Bluetooth?
• Crooked movers
• A name you can depend on

19 Tracks

Total time: 1:15:02

Download zip file here

• So much to talk about
• Isolated for three days
• Teasers and tributes
• Horror at Harrods
• The Odd Couple
• Spamalot
• English accents
• Overheard at a restaurant in Paris
• Everything’s expensive
• I ate so much
• Little Mary Christmas
• Sinterklaas
• Cheap pot
• Johnny Jordaan-Plein
• And I’m not done with the Dutch
• Pound for pound, nobody stinks like the Dutch
• Red Light
• A train to Paris
• Fabrice: The World’s Least Helpful Concierge
• Star Academie
• Protests and jet lag

21 Tracks

Total time: 1:31:41

Download zip file here

• Back from Hell
• You remember the drugs
• A great letter
• Poor Tori
• He’s Fabio
• Thank you, now run along
• Simultaneously awful and joyful
• April’s leaving the room
• The Mystery Guest
• Amazing luck
• How sad is my life?
• A sad show business story
• Tell your story hopping
• Say goodbye

14 Tracks

Total time: 1:03:31

Download zip file here

• How quickly time passes
• Space Mountain
• She has no talent
• A news story for you
• Can I tell you about my couch?
• The Black Diamond
• Insights into self-delusion
• The best of Hal Fishman
• My new most hated commercial
• An autographed picture
• The Dove Girls
• The Learning Annex
• They stuck a needle in my neck
• Kathyland
• Laser hair removal . . . down there
• Phone calls

16 Tracks

Total time: 1:10:15

Download zip file here

• It’s really early
• High school reunions
• MySpace
• On TV tonight
• Your father is . . . was
• Cortiscam
• Olympic events
• More on TV
• Storytelling the news
• Psychopathic bosses
• A great story about Carl
• A musical restrospective

12 Tracks

Total time: 1:14:56

Download zip file here

• Number 21
• Wonderful presents, American Idol
• How to quit smoking
• A horrifying musical
• Back into the dating scene
• Responses
• A whole new way to eat chicken
• The Father’s Day cake
• Celebrity sightings
• Tom Cruise, MD.
• Another American Idol story
• A new nickname
• A big, dumb, blonde whore
• This is fun, having you on

14 Tracks

Total time: 1:13:04

Download zip file here

• No worse for wear
• Innies and outies
• What we all have to look forward to
• I was the Shabbos goy
• How much did you take, and where is it?
• My first physical
• Are you hopped up right now
• The story of Passover
• Paulagate
• Harold Greene and Mae
• Queen of the sequels
• It’s like a really slow, dull soap opera
• So I found an apartment
• The catheter story
• The chic recover hotel
• Dreams
• BONUS: April on assignment (Ken & Co, 3/27/03)

17 Tracks

Total time: 1:20:48

Download zip file here