I must preface this post by saying that I did not create anything you see here. If you read my blog with any regularity, you already know I’m not that creative.

No, every file is real, which means I’m only the curator of this exhibit. If you’re offended by anything you see here, or you think it’s too soon, or you knew someone who knew someone who almost died that day, or you have proof that the Jews all got an email warning them to stay home that day, or Building 7 was actually made of sugar, I don’t know what to tell you. Start with the man in the mirror.

Anyway, there is a lot of crap here, so I’ve taken the liberty of grouping this garbage into the following categories:

Let’s roll!™

• gifs

This was probably the most prolific category of Nine-Elevenalia, and I’m not surprised. After all, in this MySpace-age world we live in, everyone needs a sparkly way to say, “Thanks for the add!” or “Sorry your friends died in that building thingy.”

While there are thousands of glittery memorial snowglobes and weeping eagles on the internet, I have contented myself to show you just a handful. Please download them and put them all over your Facebook today, if only to annoy the terrorists in your extended network.

• music

Of all the tragedy came out of 9/11, nothing is sadder than these.

• tattoos

Unless you put it on your back. Then it’s your wife’s problem.

More here

• merchandise

• personal expression

• inadvertantly offensive

You could make the argument that some of these images were designed to provoke an emotional response, but I think they stop short of pure trolling, which is the gold standard. I also think some of this was pure stupidity, which is not the same as being an asshole.

• deliberately offensive

Trying to make a couple of bucks on 9/11 is one thing.

Trying to get some bullshit advertising award by doing unauthorized, unsolicited work for a charity and making them look like ghouls in the process is something else entirely.

This year’s Twin Douchebag Award goes to . . .

DDB ADVERTISING, BRAZIL

For this spectacularly horrific and ultimately meaningless bit of batshittery.

The good news is that a lost show from the early April and Roy days has been found! Yes, longtime ex-listener Craig found one more show from our 5:00 AM Saturday period, and converted it to mp3 for our listening pleasure.

The bad news is that it’s yet another Jerry Lewis show. I guess the telethon was coming up, and it’s all the two of us could think about.

And now, 9 years later, it’s your problem. Two more hours of bad Jerry Lewis impressions and clips of his terrible singing. It doesn’t seem fair, does it?

Well, whatever. Life isn’t fair. Get a ladder and get over it.

Click here for the September 9, 2000 show

This show has some good moments. As long time ex-listener Craig puts it, “This is one for a road trip.”

We talk about a lot of things, including mom’s early career as a showgirl and pin up model, her famous paramours, meeting my father on live television and being played by Kim Novak in a movie.

The glamor continues, until I start talking about cow tongues and Wal-Mart wine. Things go further south when my sisters call in with unfortunate childhood memories. Word to the wise: not everyone should take ginko.

Click here for the 2001 Mothers Day Show

Your prayers have been answered.

Happy Easter!

What better way to celebrate the angel of death passing over your condo than with an all-new category of MP3s? Just click over to my Mp3 Library, and help yourself to a steaming Seder plate of Jew-tracks I’ve affectionately called, oyTunes.

I’ve uploaded 16 very special selections to get you started. That’s enough for a full-length CD! Yes, you can rip them and burn them, just like the kids do. And think what a hit you’ll be at Tante Esther’s when you bust out these borscht beats. Talk about a Groyse Macher!

Best of all, these MP3s are free! A metsieh fun a ganef!

Here’s what you get:

1. Hava Nagila (Johnny Puleo & his Harmonica Gang)
2. Stayin’ Inside (Two Live Jews)
3. Knish Doctor (Mickey Katz, also known as the father of Joel Grey)
4. Kosher Disco (Benny Bell)
5. Throw the Jew Down the Well (Borat Sagdiyev)
6. Theme from The Muppets (in Hebrew)
7. Satisfaction (Sam Chaplin)
8. The Afikomen Mambo (Rabbi Joe Black)
9. How Much is that Pickle in the Window (Mickey Katz)
10. Matzoh Ball Soup (Slim Gaillard)
11. Far From the Home I Love (The Barry Sisters swing Fiddler on the Roof)
12. Pincus the Peddler (Benny Bell)
13. Crazy Jew Rap (Unknown)
14. Matzoh Number 5 (Lou Bagel)
15. Hi Digga Dig Dig Dum (The Chai Lo’s)
16. Shalom Alechem (Meshugga Beach Party) From Twenty Songs of the Chosen Surfer

So go ahead! Grab a CD and fardrai zich dem kop!

I’ll just sit here in the dark.

I’m about to get on a plane to New York to go tape a show. I’ll Twitter the info tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.

This will either be wildly funny, or it will all go horribly wrong and I’ll really have to start drinking in earnest.

-Submitted by Micah

Make your own with this candy heart generator.