The good news is that a lost show from the early April and Roy days has been found! Yes, longtime ex-listener Craig found one more show from our 5:00 AM Saturday period, and converted it to mp3 for our listening pleasure.

The bad news is that it’s yet another Jerry Lewis show. I guess the telethon was coming up, and it’s all the two of us could think about.

And now, 9 years later, it’s your problem. Two more hours of bad Jerry Lewis impressions and clips of his terrible singing. It doesn’t seem fair, does it?

Well, whatever. Life isn’t fair. Get a ladder and get over it.

Click here for the September 9, 2000 show

It’s unsettling for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that it’s the second show devoted to Jerry Lewis in two days. I spent that entire weekend at KFI, playing clips of Jerry Lewis singing and doing bad impersonations of him.

The sad part of this is that it proves how much more stamina I used to have. There was apparently a time in my life where I could sit in front of a microphone for two days in a row, playing shitty music and talking to myself. Now I need a nap after I change my outgoing message.

Click here for the 8/12/2001 show

Today’s newly archived show is from August 11, 2001.

According to longtime ex-listener and April Winchell Show archivist Craig, this is “a perfect show.” And he would know, since he’s the one who’s been listening to all these tapes and converting them for us.

On the other hand, someone who would willingly listen to hundreds of these shows and convert them into mp3s for free might not have the best judgment.

The whole show is dedicated to Jerry Lewis, and this is why:

Yes, Jerry’s stalker was found dead in his jail cell, and that was good enough for me to build a show around.

And I do think this is a good one. It has everything: yodeling, Fabio, Jerry Lewis, customer service rants, fetish web sites, Star Trek slash fiction and an unrelenting assault on some shitbird who fucked with one of my eBay charity auctions.

I actually think this may be the show where it all sort of clicked for me. I stopped feeling like someone else was supposed to be doing it with me and just sort of took control of the whole soggy mess.

This is exactly the kind of show I liked to do, and would still like to do, if talk radio had not completely imploded and become a showcase for who can be the angriest.

Click here for the August 11, 2001 show

Well, I don’t know if “pleasure” is the right word, exactly. I vaguely remember the second hour of this show being less than spellbinding.

For some reason or other, I was set up to interview Michael York. This kind of thing was never that easy for me. I never knew when to get of the phone. I think this is borne out by the fact that this interview appears to last for almost an hour. I don’t think people who actually know Michael York talk to him that long.

I should also point out that the photo accompanying this post is in no way related, but I found it while doing an image search for “York”, and that seemed enough at the time.

Click here for the June 24, 2001 show

And in other news…

I’m out. Really out.

Thanks very much to all who ordered.

I’m working on a new series at Nickelodeon and a new feature for Warner Brothers. But I plan to get into the Winchies this week, so I’ll hopefully have some toys available for purchase soon.

Profits from the Winchies benefit Project Angel Food.

I haven’t listened to this one yet, but in looking over the index of the show, I can see that there is at least one thing that makes this show special: it’s the first time I played Mary Schneider on the air.

Looking back, I believe this was the start of my yodeling fixation. If you listened to the show back then, you may remember that yodeling became something of an obsession for me.

And now, thanks to the diligent efforts of longtime ex-listener Craig, we have the exact date that I began to lose my mind, as well as my job.

Click here for the May 20, 2001 Show

This show is the first and only time I filled in for Bill Handel. Since Bill had a lot more commercials than I did, the segments were much shorter. In fact, the entire 3 hour show – without breaks – comes to 70 minutes.

That’s staggering, isn’t it? 110 minutes of Bill Handel’s 180 minute show is advertising, news or traffic. Just one of the many reasons it’s such fun to listen to.

But there is a very special moment in this show, and I’m not talking about the surprise phone call from Rick Dees.

I’m not even talking about the chilly reception Bill’s crew gave me, and the cute way they had of not laughing at my jokes or speaking to me during the breaks.

No, I’m talking about the phone call from Maurice Gibb near the end of the show, which was the highlight of my KFI morning radio career.

Click here for the May 18, 2001 show

This show has some good moments. As long time ex-listener Craig puts it, “This is one for a road trip.”

We talk about a lot of things, including mom’s early career as a showgirl and pin up model, her famous paramours, meeting my father on live television and being played by Kim Novak in a movie.

The glamor continues, until I start talking about cow tongues and Wal-Mart wine. Things go further south when my sisters call in with unfortunate childhood memories. Word to the wise: not everyone should take ginko.

Click here for the 2001 Mothers Day Show

This is in fact, the last of the April and Her Best Friend Roy Shows. I thought this one was lost to the ages, but longtime ex-listener Craig has located it, edited it and made it available for your listening pleasure.

We love Craig.

This show is noteworthy for the first and only Ask Reverend Roy segment in the second hour. Yes, Roy actually became an ordained minister for 5 minutes of comedy. That should be proof right there that god does not, in fact, hate fags. Well, he does, but just the ones who call each other “Mary”.

Click here for the April 22, 2001 show

In other news, if anyone in the Sherman Oaks area saw a brown cloud over the post office today, it was me, sending out the first of the Sacks O’ Crap™! Turds were flung as far east as Japan and as far north as Canada, effectively stinking up the world with my flotsam.

You fortunate people. You early adopters of my Sack. You know what I call you prescient shit seekers? I call you “lucky fucks”. Yes I do. Under my breath of course, but still.

So many good things went out today; Jerry Lewis CDs, Sad Wiener Chewing Gum, peel and stick parasites, vintage porn, tin soldiers, DVDs, charm bracelets, books, gourmet coffee, movie theatre tickets, gift cards, free KFC coupons . . . why I felt a little like Oprah, but with smaller arms.

Tomorrow I’ll assemble the next wave. There are a lot more orders than I anticipated, which just makes me giddy. I wake up in the morning and sew all day. It’s like I’m Amish, if Amish people had Tivo.

Sadly, the DAINTY size is sold out. However, I can make you a drawstring bag with the custom turd applique in any size for just $25.00, including shipping (US only).

And there’s more!

Now you can CUSTOMIZE your sack! when you order, you can make special requests on the order form, specify whether it’s for a male or female and you can elect to get an XXX sack, full of horrible, offensive pornography! Yay, commerce!

Anyway, if you’d like a Sack O’ Crap™, this is the time to order. I can’t keep this up much longer without getting some Malaysian children in here.

Sack Size

Bag only $15.00 Modest $30.00 Huge $50.00

Customize your Sack

Male Female Totally Gay Send Pron

Special requests

Longtime ex-listener Craig, the man responsible for editing and converting all of these old shows I’ve been posting lately, has produced the actual first solo for our listening pleasure.

And it is pleasurable, because I decided to do my first solo show with a co-host: the delightful and preposterously talented Rob Paulsen, who entertains us royally for two hours.

Just having someone else to listen to besides me would be gift enough, but I even manage to talk Rob into doing a bit of Yakko’s World live in the second hour, with no warning or rehearsal.

Rob is great, and he makes this show a lot of fun.

Click here for the May 6, 2001 show

And if you like this show, you know what to do.

In any case this is a swell show, as evidenced by the fact that we talk about Pat Boone’s penis and Dick Van Dyke doing rap within the first 7 minutes. And of course the second hour is almost entirely dominated by me making fun of Britney Spears and being angry with the post office.

And boy, do I miss Roy. I haven’t spoken to him in a long time, and these shows have brought back a lot of happy memories for me.

Click here for the April 28, 2001 show

And of course if you like the show . . .

And speaking of lasts, today is the last day for the first round of my eBay auctions. I can’t tell you how important this is, people. The time for dicking around is over.

If you’ve ever wanted something like this, make sure you’re near a computer starting 7:00 tonight, or you have no one to blame for yourself.

Click here for all current auctions