It can only mean one thing – time to unload a pile of German covers!

So here they are. Track after steaming track, laying here like so many blood sausages on a commemorative Kaiser Wilhelm platter. Everything from show tunes to pop songs, all in German, and some even performed by the original artists!

I’ve got some brand new German covers I’ve never posted (and I can only apologize for being tardy to the party) and a few you’ve heard before. But just because you suffered through it once doesn’t mean you’re off the hook.

And now there is nothing left to do but sit back with a tankard of Doppelbock, and let the melodies wash over us like so much duty-free cologne.

GERMAN COVERS:

Fever (Anita Lindblom) (3.09 MB)
Walk on By (Dionne Warwick) (2.54 MB)
I Only Want To Be With You (Dusty Springfield) (2.56 MB)
The Summer Wind (Little Peggy March) (3.22 MB)
Peppermint Twist (Caterina Valente & Silvio Francesco) (3.22 MB)
Some People – from Gypsy (Angelika Milster) (3.87)
Everything’s Coming Up Roses – from Gypsy (Angelika Milster) (3.58 MB)
Let Me Entertain You – from Gypsy (Susie Eisenkolb ) (2.55 MB)
Let’s Get Together – from The Parent Trap (Lill-Babs & Peter Alexander) (3.8 MB)
Beauty and the Beast (German cast) (2.70 MB)
Be Our Guest (Thierry Gondet, Simon Pohl) (3.38 MB)
The Lion King (German cast) (4.38 MB)
Radio Gaga (Ensemble Kolner Musical Dome) (3.38 MB)
Rock Me Amadeus (FMA) (3.75 MB)
Super Trouper (Carolin Fortenbacher, Jasna Ivir) (3.55 MB)
Sympathy (Marvin Gaye) (2.95 MB)
Tiny Bubbles (Anita Lindblom) (2.12 MB)

BONUS TRACK

I think this is Swedish. But let’s not look a gift pferd in the mund.

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning (Unknown) (1.11 MB)

I must preface this post by saying that I did not create anything you see here. If you read my blog with any regularity, you already know I’m not that creative.

No, every file is real, which means I’m only the curator of this exhibit. If you’re offended by anything you see here, or you think it’s too soon, or you knew someone who knew someone who almost died that day, or you have proof that the Jews all got an email warning them to stay home that day, or Building 7 was actually made of sugar, I don’t know what to tell you. Start with the man in the mirror.

Anyway, there is a lot of crap here, so I’ve taken the liberty of grouping this garbage into the following categories:

Let’s roll!™

• gifs

This was probably the most prolific category of Nine-Elevenalia, and I’m not surprised. After all, in this MySpace-age world we live in, everyone needs a sparkly way to say, “Thanks for the add!” or “Sorry your friends died in that building thingy.”

While there are thousands of glittery memorial snowglobes and weeping eagles on the internet, I have contented myself to show you just a handful. Please download them and put them all over your Facebook today, if only to annoy the terrorists in your extended network.

• music

Of all the tragedy came out of 9/11, nothing is sadder than these.

• tattoos

Unless you put it on your back. Then it’s your wife’s problem.

More here

• merchandise

• personal expression

• inadvertantly offensive

You could make the argument that some of these images were designed to provoke an emotional response, but I think they stop short of pure trolling, which is the gold standard. I also think some of this was pure stupidity, which is not the same as being an asshole.

• deliberately offensive

Trying to make a couple of bucks on 9/11 is one thing.

Trying to get some bullshit advertising award by doing unauthorized, unsolicited work for a charity and making them look like ghouls in the process is something else entirely.

This year’s Twin Douchebag Award goes to . . .

DDB ADVERTISING, BRAZIL

For this spectacularly horrific and ultimately meaningless bit of batshittery.

Dey tol him doan you eva come aroun heeyah
Doan wan to see your faye betha dissapea
Deffiyah in de sigh and de worst a rearry cree
So bead it, juss bead it

You betta run you betta dooo what you ken
Doan wanna see no butt, doan be a metal man
You wanna be top betta dooo what you ken
So bead it, but you wanna be bed

Juss beatty, beatty
No one want to be deep-heated
Show in den how funky and straw is yo fright
It doesn’t matta who is wrong or rye
Juss beady, juss beady
Juss bead it, juss beatty

We ought to gay you, betta leeeeve while you ken
Doan wanna be a boy, wanna be a men
You wanna stay ally, betta dooo what you ken
Juss bead it, juss beady

You have to surround dat you really not scare
You playing wit yo lie, diss ain’t no true or dare
Dey will paint you den dey beat you den dey tell it’s fair
So bead it, but you wanna be bed

Juss beatty, be it
No one want to be dee fee tit
Show in den how funky and straw is yo fright
It doesn’t matta who is wrong or rye
Juss beady, beady
No one want to be defeatty
So in den how funky is straw is yo fie
It doesn’t matta who is wrong or rye
Juss beady
Beady, beady, beally, beatty
Billy, beanie, beanie, beanie

-Thanks to Merrill Markoe for this jaw dropper

And as long as we’re going after the Japanese, let’s put the last nail in the Christmas coffin with this bonus track from longtime ex-listener Andre:

The important thing is that I’ll be eating Vicodin and ice cream all week. Yes, this year I truly have something to be thankful for.

While I can’t be with you all this Thursday, and probably won’t even be able to focus on my keyboard, it doesn’t mean I’m not with you in spirit. Almost nothing matters more to me than your happiness, and by that I mean I don’t give a shit.

To that end, I present this lovely mp3 for your holiday listening pleasure. It’s an oldie but a goodie, just reminding you to be grateful for all the little things.

I hope that you’ll play it as you sit down to your drink your Thanksgiving dinner.

UPDATE:

The above liner notes appear on the 1968 LP, The Mr. Blackwell Show.

I’ve had Whatever Happened to Women? in my MP3 collection for a long time now, but I never realized there was an entire album. So imagine my delight when longtime ex-listener “M” sent me the full LP today! Nine grueling tracks of tuneless, bitchy meanderings by America’s favorite confirmed bachelor.

And as if that weren’t enough excitement, it turns out these are studio renditions of the songs he performed at the Desert Inn. I like to think the spoken parts between numbers were all about his run ins with the likes of Mamie Van Doren, who might have splashed a champagne cocktail in his face for rhyming “not the best” with “famous chest”. I can only hope the audience was full of women who thought he was handsome, in a Liberace sort of way.

And so today, to honor the long, productive life of a man who wrote one shitty poem a year, I present all of these infectious song poems for your listening pleasure.

SIDE I

1. Overture
2. Whatever Happened to Women?
3. Let Down Your Hair
4. “In Hollywood” Ballet

Wordpress only allows a few tracks to be embedded into a post, so you’ll find side II in the post immediately following this one.

1. Society Is Not My Cup of Tea
2. Mannequin Walk
3. That’s Camp
4. “Oh to Angela” Ballet
5. Another Closing, Another Show