Well, I don’t know if “pleasure” is the right word, exactly. I vaguely remember the second hour of this show being less than spellbinding.

For some reason or other, I was set up to interview Michael York. This kind of thing was never that easy for me. I never knew when to get of the phone. I think this is borne out by the fact that this interview appears to last for almost an hour. I don’t think people who actually know Michael York talk to him that long.

I should also point out that the photo accompanying this post is in no way related, but I found it while doing an image search for “York”, and that seemed enough at the time.

Click here for the June 24, 2001 show

And in other news…

I’m out. Really out.

Thanks very much to all who ordered.

I’m working on a new series at Nickelodeon and a new feature for Warner Brothers. But I plan to get into the Winchies this week, so I’ll hopefully have some toys available for purchase soon.

Profits from the Winchies benefit Project Angel Food.

First, we lose Farrah. And as if that weren’t heartbreaking enough, now we have this second tragedy to overcome.

And of course I’m talking about Transformers 2.

I like to think that this is where I really serve a purpose. I am your cultural rodeo clown, just trying to make you laugh and keep the bull away.

So let’s all do this together. Let’s just open up a steaming bag of crap and take a big, healing breath.

Speaking of healing, let’s talk about this:

I got it at Goodwill for 99¢. Don’t hate.

It’s a 2 CD set, but the second CD is missing. That’s probably a blessing.

Here’s an 18 minute healing meditation to get you started on your road to wellness. She has a beautiful voice, don’t you think? There’s nothing more relaxing than listening to a woman who sounds like Telly Savalas after a carton of Camels.

While you’re listening, you might ask yourself how it is that Sylvia can heal you, but can’t heal her own larynx.

And as long as we’re listening to crap, another KFI show is now online for your listening pleasure. This one is from June 23, 2001, and you can listen to it here.

And in a strange coincidence, the last hour of this show is missing. I plan to ask Sylvia about that, as soon as I can get out of the silver netting.

Speaking of giant sacks of crap, let’s talk about the actual, physical Sacks O’ Crap™ that I’ve been churning out for a grateful public.

In a remarkably fortunate twist of fate, our own Mick has donated an enormous box of crap to the cause, and his crap is actually a lot better than mine ever was. It’s kind of wonderful, really.

Not only that, but I got a brand new sewing machine this week, so the quality of the actual sacks is getting a lot better too. I can even sew my name on the back. Hell, I can sew anything. If you have a special message you want sewn on your sack, it can now be done!

I have enough crap for about 5 more bags, and then I’m out of the crap business. Hanging up my crapula, as they say. So if you’ve been thinking about it, do it now.

Regret is a terrible thing.

Well, maybe podcast is too strong a word. It’s more like a 35 minute spew, followed by a song so lovely, it might have to be your new ringtone.

Just so you know, there’s a lot of cursing.

I haven’t listened to this one yet, but in looking over the index of the show, I can see that there is at least one thing that makes this show special: it’s the first time I played Mary Schneider on the air.

Looking back, I believe this was the start of my yodeling fixation. If you listened to the show back then, you may remember that yodeling became something of an obsession for me.

And now, thanks to the diligent efforts of longtime ex-listener Craig, we have the exact date that I began to lose my mind, as well as my job.

Click here for the May 20, 2001 Show

I know it sounds a like a Czech fairy tale, but it’s all too true!

My patented, lovingly assembled Sacks O’ Crap™ are bringing happiness to people the world over!

But don’t have to take my word for it. Listen to what so many satisfied sacksters have to say about their purchases:

I got not one but 2 dirty booklets that show the fuller brush man sporting a Tom of Finland sized erection pounding away at a 50’s housewife. The booklets are great because they are the same size and shape as the pamphlets that christian ministries hand out. I intend to make copies and carry with me at all times. The next time I am asked where I intend to spend eternity, the fuller bushman is gonna answer for me.

The crown jewel of the collection is The Best Of The Battle Of The Network Stars. The cover promises Scott Baio, Gabe Kaplan, Tina Youthers and Donna Dixion. Oh April you excite me! You excite me and you KNEW that I would be excited. That’s why you included a tube of Las Vegas themed KY Jelly. Lord knows I am going to need it.

This is such good shit. How did you know The Ladies Man was my favorite Jerry Lewis movie? Oh, that scene! With the guy with the hat with the lining? A RIOT. And the girl? Practicing her scenes at the door to her dorm room, with the slapping and the slamming? I’ve saved my TV/VCR combo expressly for the day when I would get this VHS tape!

I can’t decide what I like the best - the Limoges SPAM can, the beautiful scarf or the strange book. All great and beautifully packaged. You put a lot of work in those sewn pieces! You made my shitty day - by sending me crap. Who knew?

“My Sack O’ Crap flushed my cares away, like the suction of an airplane toilet! In my opinion, it’s not crap at all, but I suppose calling it the ‘Bag of Miscellaneous Items of Subjective Value’ was kinda long.”

“The ‘Tribute to Liberace’ cassette tape isn’t crap at all! We will treasure this forever - unopened of course. We wouldn’t want all that gay getting on the carpet.”

“Our Sack o’ Crap arrived today… and talk about truth in advertising! I never saw so much crap shoved into a handmade drawstring bag with a googly-eyed piece of shit sewn on it in my life. We loved everything from the Super Tootsie Pops (two flavors!) to the vintage Variety magazine! My wife thought the mini comics were cool, until I explained that they were Tijuana Bibles. And then I had to explain what that meant.”

Well, there you have it. Words of praise from people who know their shit.

And the best part of all of this is that the crap store is back in business! Yes, after a temporary blockage, I have been restocked with high quality garbage, and I’m ready to start stuffing your sack!

If you’d like to be one of the cool kids and get your own Sack O’ Crap™, just place your order below. You can get a medium sack for $30 or a big ass sack for $50. Or you can just get the handmade sack itself for $15.00.

And you can customize your sack! There’s a field for special requests, and I’ll do my best to make it happen. Name your color, interests, specify gender, or just fill the box with dirty words. Whatever.

I think I can do about 10 more, so order up, Crapsters!

Sack Size

Bag only $15.00 Modest $30.00 Huge $50.00

Customize your Sack

Male Female Totally Gay Send Pron

Special requests

But even if you haven’t, and even if you weren’t able to sit through the first five minutes like we did the other night, it doesn’t matter. Because you’ve seen this show a million times already, and it still isn’t any good.

There’s something about this show that just makes me tired and quiet. And it’s not even the nurse-who-breaks-all-the-rules-because-she-cares-so-much bullshit, although that alone makes me want to lie down and just give the fuck up.

No, the thing that really exhausts me is the logo treatment.

HawthoRNe, get it?

Because she’s a Registered Nurse!

See how that works?

Oh, I tell you I had no idea she was a nurse until they spelled it all for me in the logo. The shots of her in a lab coat didn’t tip me at all. I thought she worked at a photo lab.

Well, you know how Hollywood works. An idea this good is bound to be repeated over and over again.

Let’s not fight it. Let’s just jump in and help TNT round out their Fall Season.